Senior year of high school, some friends and I downloaded Tinder. What started out as a joke to help ease our senioritis turned out to be quite fascinating, for me at least. I got to know all different types of people and even went on a few dates. Over the past few years, more and more dating apps and websites have been developed: Bumble, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, Coffee Meets Bagel, Match, eHarmony. There are also more specific dating apps and websites such as Christian Mingle, JDate (for Jewish dating), and Farmers Only (featuring the funny slogan “City folks just don’t get it.”) While I wouldn’t consider myself a professional online dater (maybe semi-pro) I do have some tips to help make the whole process less stressful and more enjoyable:
1 | Show your true self in your profile and your conversations!
It’s always a good idea to use pictures where you truly look like yourself. No need for Photoshop or Facetune; you’re gorgeous just the way you are! The same is true for your bio. Dating apps and websites usually have a section where you can write about yourself and your interests. You can really go into detail here and you’re more likely to get messages this way, versus having an empty bio. Lastly, show your true self in your conversations. See if you and your match have things in common!
2 | Ask unique and interesting questions
It’s nice to get a message saying “What’s up?” or “How are you?” But what if you got a message saying “What’s a movie that changed your life?” or “What’s a song that’s always stuck in your head?” You might be more likely to respond to the latter questions! Unique and interesting questions are a great way to break the ice and get to know the other person.
3 | Make sure you both want the same things
People use dating apps and websites for many different reasons: casual dating, serious relationships, friendships, or maybe they’re just in town for the night. Whatever the reason is, make sure you’re both on the same page. Miscommunication can lead to sticky situations (that rhymed!) Say, for instance, you’re a college student talking to a guy in his late 20s. Perhaps he’s looking to settle down and get married but you’re not ready for that at this age. It’s important to have these kinds of discussions to avoid the hurt and confusion later on.
4 | Do your research and trust your instincts
Maybe I’ve watched too much “Catfish”, but I always think it’s a good idea to Google your matches, especially if it’s someone you plan on meeting in person. If you’re serious about the person and want to know more about them, you can ask if they want to exchange social media accounts. If they don’t want you to follow them, they may be hiding something, such as a girlfriend, boyfriend, or their real identity. Trust your instincts and if something seems off, you might be right.
5 | Don’t worry if you don’t click in real life
Sometimes you really connect with someone via chatting or texting, but in real life, the spark just isn’t there. Chemistry is complicated and it can’t be forced. Maybe your online conversations were hilarious and exciting, but now you’re sitting across from each other in awkward silence. Don’t worry! It happens to all of us. Just be honest and upfront with the person; nobody likes to be ghosted.
6 | Remember there are plenty of fish in the sea (37.2 million to be exact)
So I did a little math with the help of the internet. According to Pew Research Center, 15 percent of adults in America use, or have used, dating apps/websites. There are roughly 248 million adults in America so 15 percent would be about 37.2 million people! That’s an incredible number and can really make you feel hopeful about love. One bad date doesn’t mean all future dates will be bad. It’s all about trial and error. I like to think of it as an audition process where you’re both auditioning for each other. It may not always work out… but the audition process can still be enjoyable!
I hope you found this list of tips helpful. Do you have any tips for online daters that weren’t listed above? What dating app or website is your favorite? Do you know of any success stories? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
about the author
Hi, I'm Lucy! A psychology student at Virginia Commonwealth University. Upon graduation, I plan to pursue child and adolescent therapy. When I'm not chugging coffee and studying, I love to sing, write music, bake, watch reality TV, and hang out with my dog.