6 Strategies to Show Your Partner Appreciation

Have you ever had moments in your relationship where you feel sort of under-appreciated? Maybe there have been times when you’ve been on the other side of it and have not been paying as much attention to your significant other as you should. If either of those scenarios sound familiar, read on. Here are 6 easy ways to show your partner they are not forgotten and you care about them:

 
 

1 | Surprise them with food

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Food is great. When it’s nice, toasty, and prepped for your convenience, it’s that much more wonderful. Cooking a meal or simply having some warm food ready for your loved one (for those of us who’d rather endure the cashier’s stand than the kitchen) is always a pleasant surprise. Also, it will show how considerate of a partner you are. And who wouldn’t want that label?

2 | Buy a favorite item

Similar to the meal, this shows deliberate attention to a loved one’s likes. For me, if gum is gifted, I’m in a great mood for the rest of the day. You can never have enough packs! Well, maybe you can. But I certainly CANNOT! What is something your significant other always likes to have? Do they have it right now? No? Well go get them some and see if it puts a smile on his/her/their face.

3 | Massage them

After a long day, everyone likes to lie down and have some rest. Maybe the kids were being unruly or the boss was not copacetic and your significant other has a little more on their mind today. Scratching or massaging their back/neck/head can provide sensory feedback and relieve some tension. It costs nothing but could make a huge difference for your companion’s spirits. Plus, the physicality could lead to something a little more intimate. ;)

4 | Clean something

This may not seem like the most romantic gesture you could do to show some love but I’ve got it on good authority — this works. Do the dishes, vacuum, throw out the trash, clean the inside of the car. Alleviating some of your loved one’s work will get you brownie points.

5 | Write a thank you letter

It doesn’t have to be a birthday or holiday to write your companion a letter telling them how awesome they are. For some, writing feelings down is a lot easier than speaking them. There’s also the plus side of being able to edit out things that don’t sound as eloquent on paper as they did in your head. Thank them for being a terrific parent, hard worker, supportive, genuine, understanding, compassionate, funny, lighthearted, beautiful, sweet. What makes her/him/them stand out? What exactly do you appreciate about them?

6 | Give extra attention

Lack of attention could be the sole origin of feeling undervalued. Don’t forget about your partner. When they’re talking, listen to what they’re saying. Put the phone down. It doesn’t take years to sit down and have one quality conversation with your lover, but if you consistently have quality chats, you could keep your lover for years.

What are some ways you show the special someone in your life you care?  Are there any unique ways that work every single time? Tell me your thoughts; post in the comments. Thanks for reading. Now, go show your partner why they are your most special someone.


about the author

Hi! I'm Trina. I graduated from U.C. Santa Cruz with a B.A. in Psychology (cum laude, but no one is keeping score, right?) I enjoy re-reading Harry Potter and extensively Googling new words. My aim in writing for this blog is to help couples overcome hurdles in their relationships.

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5 Ways to Support Someone Who's Depressed

We’ve all been affected by depression in one way or another. Even if you haven’t experienced depression yourself, you’ve witnessed a loved one go through it, which is often just as difficult. You may find yourself in a situation where you want to help but you’re not sure what to say or do. I hope this list serves as a helpful guide. Here is a list of 5 do’s and don’ts when someone you love is depressed:

 
 

1 | Do check up on them

Depression often leads to isolation. Don’t take it personally if your loved one doesn’t want to go out with you on a Friday night. Chances are, they just don’t have the energy! Offer to bring over their favorite food and have a Netflix night. Socializing, even in small doses, can really help someone get out of a depressive state. If they really don’t want to socialize, offer to talk on the phone or FaceTime. Maybe they just need to vent.

2 | Don’t forget to take care of yourself

As an empath, I sometimes find myself emotionally drained after talking to a depressed friend for hours. It can be easy to absorb their energy and become depressed yourself. Now you’ve got 2 depressed people! There’s nothing wrong with wanting to take care of a loved one, but you can’t neglect your own needs. That means getting enough sleep, eating well, focusing on school or work…the basic things. It also means knowing when to take a break and have some alone time. It can be hard to walk away from a depressed loved one but just reassure them that you’ll be back soon.

3 | Do give them time

Everybody heals at their own pace. Maybe you’ve been through a depressive episode that lasted 3 days but your loved one has been depressed for 3 weeks, or vice versa. It’s important to be patient when a loved one is depressed. Nobody would choose to be depressed for a long period of time, but sometimes that’s just the way it works out. Remind your loved one that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

4 | Don’t downplay their pain

If you saw someone with a physical injury, you probably wouldn’t doubt that they’re in pain. So why do we doubt the pain of depressed people? All throughout history, and all over the world, physical illnesses have been considered more serious than mental illnesses. However, if you asked someone with a mental illness “Is it painful?”, they would probably answer yes. Mental illness is simply painful in a different way. So when talking to a loved one with depression, avoid statements that downplay or minimize their pain. Just a few examples to avoid: “It’s all in your head!” “You have nothing to be sad about!” “Happiness is a choice!” Instead, you can say things like “Stay strong” and “I’m here for you.”

5 | Do ask them what they need

We all have different wants and needs. We all have things that help us feel better. One of the kindest things you can ask a depressed loved one is “What can I do to help?” They might say “Could you throw my clothes in the washer?” or “Would you mind washing my dishes?” Simple tasks like laundry or dishes can seem daunting when someone is in a state of depression. They might have very low energy and feel more depressed every time they look at that pile of clothes or dirty dishes in the sink. Helping out with these simple tasks will make them feel loved and less stressed. And who knows? Maybe all they need is a cup of tea.

I hope these do's and don'ts help you in your interactions with a loved one who lives with depression. They are lucky to have you in their life! Now I'd love to hear from you! What strategies have helped in supporting a depressed friend, partner or family member? What totally backfired? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below. Thanks for reading and be well!


about the author

Hi, I'm Lucy! A psychology student at Virginia Commonwealth University. Upon graduation, I plan to pursue child and adolescent therapy. When I'm not chugging coffee and studying, I love to sing, write music, bake, watch reality TV, and hang out with my dog.

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