8 Ways to Make More Time with a Spouse

With all the responsibilities of modern life, it can be tough to find time to spend with your special someone. Often times, with two people's busy schedules, it can seem like there isn't enough time in the day or week to dedicate to "us time." But we also know that in order for a relationship to thrive, we need to have quality time with our partner. If you feel like you and your partner need to implement some new strategies to make time for one another read on:


1 | Solo to Duo

If you and your partner are struggling to make time for each other, try doing something you typically do solo with them. Some ideas could be working out together, cooking, or running errands. You’re going to eat at some point, right? Why not cook dinner and eat with each other?

2 | Put the kids to bed earlier one night a week

Not being a parent myself, I enlisted my brother-in-law’s advice on this one. I asked him how he and my sister guarantee extended time together when kids require so much time and energy. He said putting the kids down earlier ensures parents get at least a few minutes together without being interrupted by the children. It doesn’t have to be hours and hours earlier, but 10-15 minutes earlier gives you that much more time to spend with your partner and dedicate some of your attention to them for a bit.

Conversely, if you do not have children, still make it a point to engage with your significant other prior to falling asleep. Even participating in this behavior for 5 minutes a night gives you an extra half hour per week with your special someone.

3 | Have a no-phone night

This generation is always stuck with some piece of technology in front of our faces (I write as I type this up on my laptop with my phone 2 feet away). It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the phone that it can become another partner taking time away from your significant other. Ditch it for a night and see how much quality conversation can stem from the lack of devices.

4 | Surprise them with food

Food makes everything better. Try surprising your significant other with lunch one day at work (obviously if you have the means and the time). Hang out for a bit; talk. If you’re pressed for time you can drop it off with a quick hello but the gesture will still convey to them, “Hey, you were on my mind.”

5 | Plan a date night

And stick to it! There are always factors that can come up to deter you from focusing on quality time with the object of your affections; but do try ever so hard to have a night or a couple hours on a weekend afternoon to just be together. Leave everything else at home: the kids, work, any other distractions. Revel in each other’s company.

6 | Go on a walk

If money is an issue for stereotypical dates like dinner and a movie (forget about dropping $50 on popcorn, am I right?) Go on a walk. Walks have the rejuvenating effect of allowing you to simply share space, which forces you to spend time together, and it’s healthy. Look at you taking your mental, emotional, and physical health seriously. Go you! Ask them about their day and they can reciprocate engaged conversation.

7 | Take a trip down memory lane

Again, not a time-consuming venture but something that can remind you what you two were like at the onset of your relationship and how far you’ve come since then. What was your first impression of your partner? Did they prove you wrong or right? Offering your perspective could help bring you closer.

8 | Compromise on schedules

If you have a big work project coming up or an event that has been in the calendar for ages, plan a time before or after to say “Yes, this is on my plate right now but I haven’t forgotten about you.” And if you have yet to spend time with your partner recently and have an event coming up that your presence is that of less than dire importance...play hooky and spend time with your loved one instead!

I hope some of these tips prove useful to give you and your special someone extra time together. Remember that quality of time together is more important than the quantity – so even if it's an extra 15 minutes a day being truly present with one another, this could have a significant positive impact on your relationship. Now I'd love to here from you! How do you make it a priority to carve out time with your spouse? Please share in the comments below. Thanks and be well.

about the author

Hi! I'm Trina. I graduated from U.C. Santa Cruz with a B.A. in Psychology (cum laude, but no one is keeping score, right?) I enjoy re-reading Harry Potter and extensively Googling new words. My aim in writing for this blog is to help couples overcome hurdles in their relationships.


Intimate Partner Violence Series: Part III – Resources to Escape from Violence

Last month (in honor of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month) I decided to develop an Intimate Partner Violence Series that is intended to equip individuals with the information necessary to 1) determine if they are in an abusive relationship, 2) develop a safety plan for while they are in the relationship, 3) seek support and resources to help them get out of the relationship and finally 4) identify signs of healthy relationshipsThis series is intended to be educational in nature and is not a substitute for seeking professional help. Please seek the help of a therapist in your area. Today’s post is Part Three of this series. If this is a topic that has special relevance for you, stay tuned for future posts.

Leaving a relationship where you’re experiencing domestic violence is an incredibly challenging decision to make. It can also be an overwhelming task, and you may not know where to start. You may be thinking “where will I live?” “where will I work?” “who will help me?” and many other questions. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts in this series, a common component of an abusive relationship is the slow erosion of your support system over time, making it much harder to reach out to others for assistance. In this post is a list of 12 free (or low-cost) resources you can take advantage of for support in housing, financial, legal, mental health and social support:


Housing Support:

1 | DomesticShelters.org

This is a website that is like Google for emergency domestic violence shelters. All you have to do is enter your zip code into the search bar and you’ll come up with a number of results for shelters in your area. The next step at that point would be to call various shelters and see which ones have openings.

2 | YWCA Glendale Domestic Violence Program

This program includes a 24-hour crisis hotline at 888-999-7511, education and outreach about domestic violence and a 45-day emergency shelter (which includes comprehensive services: food, housing, counseling, social services, legal advocacy, case management, housing assistance, employment, education, healthcare and childcare.) All services are free and available in English, Spanish and Armenian.

Financial Support:

3 | Office for Victims of Crime

The Victims of Crime Act (of 1984) allocates federal funds to victims of crime to compensate for crime-related expenses such as medical costs, mental health counseling, funeral and burial costs and lost wages or loss of support. The method for applying for these benefits vary from state-to-state, so click here for a U.S. map. You can click on your state to receive more information about how to apply for benefits.

4 | The California Victim Compensation Board

As mentioned above, this is the Victims of Crime Act Compensation Board specific to the state of California. Click here for more information.

Legal Support:

5 | FindLaw.com

If you need to file a restraining order (also called a protective order) against your abusive partner, you can learn more about how to do this at this link. This website is also a directory for lawyers, if you need to find legal counsel.

6 | WomensLaw.org

This website provides plain language legal information regarding federal, state and tribal laws regarding domestic abuse. The mission of the site is to empower women to know their rights within a relationship so that they can better advocate for themselves.

The site also provides detailed instructions for how to ensure that you can safely browse and access necessary information about domestic violence online without your partner finding out about it. Tips include how to clear your browser history and make sure your research is not traceable by your abuser.

Mental Health Support:

7 | Open Path Psychotherapy Collective

If you’re considering seeking individual psychotherapy, Open Path as a nationwide non-profit organization that connects clients with private practice therapists who charge $30 - $50 per session. Membership is a one-time fee of $49. If you are located in the Los Angeles area, I also provide sessions at a reduced rate on a limited basis.

8 | Psychology Today Groups

If you’re considering finding a support group to heal, be empowered and connect with other domestic violence survivors, Psychology Today Groups is a nationwide resource for discovering therapists facilitating support groups in your area. Groups are also typically more cost-effective than individual counseling.

Social Support:

9 | Domestic Violence Facebook Groups

Because domestic violence resources vary from region to region, it can be helpful to receive support and guidance from people in your area who’ve gone through a similar situation and have escaped to safety. Once way to easily connect with individuals in your area is to utilize Facebook groups such as:

More Resources:

10 | California Partnership to End Domestic Violence

The Partnership is a coalition of advocates, organizations and allied groups united in the common goal to end domestic violence in California. Their website provides a free resource map of domestic violence organizations, sorted by region. The map lists 28 organizations in the Los Angeles area alone.

Further Reading:

11 | Domestic Violence: Finding Safety and Support Handbook

The New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence provides a free PDF download of a booklet with 88 pages of useful information about what domestic violence is, how to create a safety plan, information about police and the courts and public resources available to survivors of domestic violence. Some of the information is state-specific to New York, but much of it is relevant to those who are not residents of New York.

12 | Breaking the Silence: A Handbook for Victims of Domestic Violence

The Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services provides a free PDF download of a 40-page booklet that provides detailed information about domestic violence relationship dynamics, safety-planning, resources and legal recourse. Again, some of the information is state-specific to Nebraska, but still a valuable resource to download and read for those who do not reside in Nebraska.

Although this list is far from exhaustive, it’s a good start to begin taking advantage of free resources that are available to you. If you feel that you are in imminent danger, please seek help immediately, by calling The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or by calling 911. If you are not in immediate danger, but would like to find someone to talk to, you can find a therapist at PsychologyToday.com or if you are in the Los Angeles area, feel free to contact me for therapy. I hope you found today’s post informative. Please leave a comment below if there’s anything you’d like to add or ask. Stay posted for the last article in this series. Be safe and be well.

about the author

Hi! I'm Natalie. And I'm passionate about helping people create healthy relationships in their lives. Through couples counseling in Pasadena and here on the blog, it's my mission to help foster stronger connections, healthy communication and life-long love.